{"id":229,"date":"2011-09-22T19:00:17","date_gmt":"2011-09-22T19:00:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.jimandpaul.net\/selfindulgence\/?p=229"},"modified":"2011-09-22T11:53:26","modified_gmt":"2011-09-22T11:53:26","slug":"wax","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.jimandpaul.net\/selfindulgence\/?p=229","title":{"rendered":"Wax"},"content":{"rendered":"

An unsung hero.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Why do we not appreciate wax more than we do?<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Candles:<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Candles enable us to find our way in the dark when under the influence of a power cut. IKEA are selling us \u2018Tea-lights\u2019 for less than the price of electricity, these days, so there is no excuse for not having some in a pinch. You can also litter them about the place, either by placing the classic candles in bottle necks (or ordinary candle-sticks) or just sprinkling the ubiquitous IKEA tea-light around generally. Light them all to achieve some wonderful ambience at your next barbecue event. Be careful of your sleeves though as you reach across the table to tap your ash out in to a dead tea-light.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Ears:<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Wax impairs our hearing, but gives us something delightfully hideous to poke about with and play with. The bits that you promptly sweep up as they drop out of your ear at your desk? Nobody else saw that except you, and you get to be alone in your revulsion. The caked fingernail when you withdraw your little finger from your earhole? Yuck. Don\u2019t tell anyone else what you get up to, it\u2019s pretty important that nobody else finds out.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Waxworks:<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019m not talking about that terrible film with Paris Hilton in (actually that was called House of Wax, wasn\u2019t it?), I\u2019m talking about the traditional pastime of making dimensionally accurate doppelgangers of fuckwit celebrities, for the express purpose of entertaining children and idiots.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Without these, we couldn\u2019t spend so much time dangerously close to those whom we have restraining orders against. I mean, that night I sneaked in to Madame Tussaud\u2019s was the most memorable night of mine and Britney\u2019s life (in the morning they thought she had melted \u2013 but she cleaned up just fine).<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Self Harm:<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Is it wrong to enjoy the feeling of hot wax on your hands? (I\u2019m talking about something else now, not the \u2018Britney Incident\u2019 as London Metropolitan Police like to call it).<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I mean, that feeling when you drip wax from a candle on to your hand, then it solidifies, and you get to pick it off. I don\u2019t know what temperature it\u2019s at, but it\u2019s a funny feeling indeed. The idiot side of your brain – the one that hasn’t been subjected the concept of rational thought and believes only the things that you knew on the day you were born \u2013 believes it should be as hot as the fire itself.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

It doesn\u2019t burn me like the fire does, why? I am confused?<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Furniture Care:<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Last, but by no means least, wax enables us to keep our delicious pine tables in tip-top condition.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

An unsung hero. Why do we not appreciate wax more than we do? Candles: Candles enable us to find our way in the dark when under the influence of a power cut. IKEA are selling us \u2018Tea-lights\u2019 for less than … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-229","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jimandpaul.net\/selfindulgence\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/229","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jimandpaul.net\/selfindulgence\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jimandpaul.net\/selfindulgence\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jimandpaul.net\/selfindulgence\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jimandpaul.net\/selfindulgence\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=229"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.jimandpaul.net\/selfindulgence\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/229\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":230,"href":"http:\/\/www.jimandpaul.net\/selfindulgence\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/229\/revisions\/230"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jimandpaul.net\/selfindulgence\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=229"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jimandpaul.net\/selfindulgence\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=229"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jimandpaul.net\/selfindulgence\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=229"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}