Thirty five year ago to this day, God invented Japan. Thirty four years ago his actions inadvertently\u00a0populated it with the people we now call The Japanese.<\/p>\n
The Japanese were originally a group of underground dwelling primates very similar in stature to the Bonobo of the African Continent, but with an advanced brain and motor skills beyond that of a typical Homo Sapiens. Around\u00a0this time (Approximately 1977-1978) it is generally believed that The God of the Earth took this tribe and blessed them with a lack of bodily hair and an improved posture. It is\u00a0widely accepted\u00a0that this general improvement in appearance gave the tribe the confidence to live outside the dark caves they had previously been living in towards the centre of the earth. After a hike of several miles from under the Earth’s crust, they emerged from Mount Fuji with dreams of setting up a new nation under the warmth of the Eastern sun.<\/p>\n
This new tribe immediately began manufacturing reliable motor cars and sophisticated audio equipment, and by 1979 were a population of several million, based out of a large city carved in to giant mushrooms which they would call Tokyo, with one of the largest economies in the world.<\/p>\n
The President of America (played by Morgan Freeman) immediately saw that this new civilisation of hyper-intelligent, super-dextrous hairless apes threatened his own vision of\u00a0world order and immediately set about fabricating and revising known world history prior to about\u00a01960 to paint the Japanese as an ethically defunct race of warmongers. This hurt the feelings of most Japanese to the extent that\u00a0some commentators\u00a0feel that they never really recovered emotionally from this cultural and civilsational peak of 1980-1982. Some eminent Eastern sociologists have linked these events\u00a0to the fact that many children and young men of the time have now grown up\u00a0to form\u00a0debilitating schoolgirl-panty fetishes – which make them entirely unemployable.<\/p>\n
One of the low points of Japanese history was\u00a0on the night of\u00a0October 14th\u00a01989, when every single Japanese citizen dreamed exactly the same dream. This massive coincident subconscious thought was enough to summon a giant space tortoise from the stars to do battle with a huge nuclear lizard from the sea. The resulting firey breath and laser eyes led to most of the fungal mass of Tokyo being reduced to a fine white ash. In 1990 the city was rebuilt, with many buildings being constructed entirely out of neon light fittings.<\/p>\n
Recent history has seen the Japanese bounce back culturally, as the lies told in the mid-80s by the President of the USA have begun to be unravelled around the world.\u00a0However, there\u00a0remain political tensions with nearby China after the Mayor of Guangzhou was made to look a complete tit on the special live summer showing of Takeshi’s Castle (a TV entertainment show).<\/p>\n
JAPAN, Facts and Figures (Sept 2011):<\/strong><\/p>\n Population: 1,200,075<\/em><\/p>\n Capital City: Tokyo (Population 1,180,250)<\/em><\/p>\n Major Exports: Automobiles, Audio Equipment, Happiness<\/em><\/p>\n Major Imports: Chess, Darkness, Time<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Thirty five year ago to this day, God invented Japan. Thirty four years ago his actions inadvertently\u00a0populated it with the people we now call The Japanese. The Japanese were originally a group of underground dwelling primates very similar in stature … Continue reading