On the nature of gin, and the attitude transposed to the drinker thereof

Natural reactions to the drink known commonly as ‘gin’ have been noted to be varied and wide-ranging, but with a predisposition towards a maudlin feeling, or one of being unwanted. The drinker will often mix the gin with ‘Tonic’ and slices of citrus fruit to make the dreadful taste of the native gin at least a little bearable. This has to lead any rational man of science to come to the question: Is it the gin itself that makes the drinker miserable, or is the drinker a naturally miserable person? Does the drinker loathe themselves so much that they feel that the only right way to drink is to imbibe such a foul, bitter mixture?

We asked one hundred people on the streets of London exactly what their attitude was towards Gin, other drinks and their opinion of themselves. Every single person responded by saying they were unhappy with life and they regularly partook in extended sessions of drinking Gin, either neat or as part of a mixed drink.

Conversely, in Bath, the first and only person we spoke with had no recollection of ever having tasted gin, although they were aware of it as an alcoholic drink. When queried as to their own satisfaction with the nature of their own existence, this person responded in a generally positive manner, citing the regenerative nature of the local geothermal springs when bathed therein.

This is inconclusive and begs for further research in to the matter. The Londoners were undoubtedly very low, perhaps on the brink of or deeply within a state of depression, but it can’t at this stage be defined that the cause of this is prior to – or following – the dependence on gin. Also the individual in Bath who was clearly extremely happy with life wasn’t a keen drinker, and had never tasted Gin itself. He also regularly undertook to clean himself in the local waters. There are too many variables at large here to reliably form an honest scientific opinion.

I therefore propose to further investigate a different, statistically significant selection of people in the Northampton area, with the hypothesis that in this area one should find a mix of people who may be a) ignorant to the wiles of gin, b) in the depths of a gin-binge, and c) at various stages of the oft-witnessed collapse into the reliance on said drink.

Further results shall be posted upon this messaging board as soon as they are available.

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