Author Archives: Paul

Poetry for Reading Out Loud At Weddings

I’ll be There I’ll be there my darling, through thick and through thin When your mind’s in a mess and your head’s in a spin When your plane’s been delayed, and you’ve missed the last train. When life is just … Continue reading

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On the nature of gin, and the attitude transposed to the drinker thereof

Natural reactions to the drink known commonly as ‘gin’ have been noted to be varied and wide-ranging, but with a predisposition towards a maudlin feeling, or one of being unwanted. The drinker will often mix the gin with ‘Tonic’ and … Continue reading

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A dawning realisation

It is christmas time, and all the ugly people that normally know better – know to stay indoors, curtains closed and the lights dimmed – they are out on their travels. The time of year forces them to travel down … Continue reading

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Not ossification, the process by which bones are formed, but classification, an ancient science practiced by humans which involves the creation of arbitrary dividing lines and thinking up names for ease of identification of things. Take, as a pertinent case … Continue reading

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Man in the pub

I invented the diamond, right, and I don’t get any praise from anyone. I’m not interested in financial rewards or anything, I’ve got enough food on my plate and there’s company and the occasional drink – I really don’t care … Continue reading

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A misunderstanding and a reluctant apology

As a very serious group of Journalists here at Jimandpaul (dot) net, obviously we take the veracity of our articles very seriously. As such the thousands of emails we received on our most recent factual piece (‘The Japanese’ – 28th … Continue reading

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The Japanese

Thirty five year ago to this day, God invented Japan. Thirty four years ago his actions inadvertently populated it with the people we now call The Japanese. The Japanese were originally a group of underground dwelling primates very similar in stature … Continue reading

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One day in the near future, we’ll all be living with sentient intelligent robots that are capable of fulfilling all our basic day to day needs. This will enable us to carry out free lives, with more free time than … Continue reading

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An unsung hero. Why do we not appreciate wax more than we do? Candles: Candles enable us to find our way in the dark when under the influence of a power cut. IKEA are selling us ‘Tea-lights’ for less than … Continue reading

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Sleeping With The Enemy

Julia Roberts stars in this story, playing a trophy bride who starts getting the shit beaten out of her shortly after marrying a wealthy investment counsellor (Patrick Bergin). Three years later she fakes her own death and disappears off to … Continue reading

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