A misunderstanding and a reluctant apology

As a very serious group of Journalists here at Jimandpaul (dot) net, obviously we take the veracity of our articles very seriously. As such the thousands of emails we received on our most recent factual piece (‘The Japanese’ – 28th September issue) questioning the facts presented within were a little bit surprising, if not pretty hurtful.

Perhaps the context of this article should have been more clearly stated in the introductory piece, for this was not intended to be a factual piece on ‘The Japanese’, a defined ethnic group who have developed culturally over the course of human civilizational history on the islands of Japan in the Pacific Ocean. We thought this was obvious from the nature of the article, but clearly there were some misunderstandings and for that we apologise. We feel slightly validated by the positive responses we did receive, who in fact spotted that this was clearly a piece on Quantum Mechanics.

For those with little to no background in Quantum Mechanics, this describes the process by which large amounts of money are invested in huge buildings to search for really small things that we can’t see, but which affect the rules of the Universe in profound ways. By finding these particles, this will raise questions that are completely unsolvable by Human Civilisation, and it is hoped that these problems will be so obtuse and complicated that they will submerge the Human Race in to a state of complete and utter stupor. In this state, all the problems of the world will go away as the catatonic shells of our bodies are fed by tubes linking in to giant machines, and a new world order of peaceable, sentient cockroaches will rise from the ashes of our horrendous civilisation. The Earth will be saved.

Quantum Mechanics Experts are therefore working round the clock at the Large Hadron Collider to search for the most elusive of particles, the Higgs Boson. This particle is currently only theoretical, in which its presence and its properties are predicted by what we currently observe. Amongst some of the more accepted theories, there is the assumption that this is the smallest particle to actually have emotions. Fundamentally it is this emotional capacity that means it is so difficult to spot, as after decades of not being seen by the eye of a single human being, they are probably really self-conscious and shy. There are several theories on the actual physical appearance of the Higgs Boson, Jimandpaul.net have exclusively sourced the following from the meeting notes of an eminent physicist at CERN, which shows some imagined sketches of what the particle might look like (note the presence of the AE, believed to be the cryogenically preserved mind of Albert Einstein):

Ultimately until the particle is found and photographed, we will not truly know what it looks like, so for now, all we can do is postulate based on the currently available information.

Our thoughts remain with the boffins around the world, and the good work they continue to do. Without them, we would be nothing, and we wish them luck in their current endeavours.

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