Monthly Archives: September 2011

A misunderstanding and a reluctant apology

As a very serious group of Journalists here at Jimandpaul (dot) net, obviously we take the veracity of our articles very seriously. As such the thousands of emails we received on our most recent factual piece (‘The Japanese’ – 28th … Continue reading

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The Japanese

Thirty five year ago to this day, God invented Japan. Thirty four years ago his actions inadvertently populated it with the people we now call The Japanese. The Japanese were originally a group of underground dwelling primates very similar in stature … Continue reading

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One day in the near future, we’ll all be living with sentient intelligent robots that are capable of fulfilling all our basic day to day needs. This will enable us to carry out free lives, with more free time than … Continue reading

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All the colours of the rainbow

DIY Chameleon you say?  I’ll show you how to make one: You will need 1 Cat 1 Tiny Mallet Paint in various colours 1 Pair of Secateurs 1 Tiny Spoon Some Polyfilla 1 Pair of Clippers A Shitload of Toilet … Continue reading

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An unsung hero. Why do we not appreciate wax more than we do? Candles: Candles enable us to find our way in the dark when under the influence of a power cut. IKEA are selling us ‘Tea-lights’ for less than … Continue reading

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The Yurt of Time

I found the tent It seems quite big I thought I’d got it wrong I hadn’t, it’s a yurt I’d been told it was a tent This must be it It should travel in time Let’s give it a go … Continue reading

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Airports, Chunky Alan and 80’s celebrities

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! A bomb! Not really, just trying to get your attention.  It worked didn’t it? I used to work as a bag handler at terminal 17 in Manchester Airport.  What a great life, carrying bags and stacking them tetris-like.  Clearly … Continue reading

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Sleeping With The Enemy

Julia Roberts stars in this story, playing a trophy bride who starts getting the shit beaten out of her shortly after marrying a wealthy investment counsellor (Patrick Bergin). Three years later she fakes her own death and disappears off to … Continue reading

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Friday Night

Mad dogs with guns and a brown-eyed hooker that goes by the name of Crazy Sue. The sun bronzes the western sky and an inky blue seeps across the eastern horizon. A calamitous noise from the bar, whisky soaked vocals … Continue reading

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Interview with a Shakespeare

We secured an interview from beyond the grave with Harriet Shakespeare, William’s mother. She speaks candidly to about stockings, travel and cholera. Interview by Paul. What’s it like to have given birth to the most famous writer in living … Continue reading

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