I never had a Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) or a Super NES Console.  I did, however, own a Nintendo Gameboy at some point.  I followed that up with a Nintendo 64 and finally a Nintendo Wii.  I also (somewhere) own a Nintendo DS, the first model, not one of these 3D ones – Nintendo 3DS.  I decided, if I wanted to look at things in 3D, I’d turn away from the viewscreen and soak up the real world.  If I wanted to watch something that looked like it was ‘coming at me’ I’d get my girlfriend to throw things at my face.  The joys of binocular vision.  Literal items coming at you at speed is a far more invigorating experience than the impression that a paper thin cardboard cut out looking Mary Elisabeth Mastrantonio is about to slap you in the face.

I have never understood the appeal of 3D.  It has been tried in the past, it didn’t work then, why should it work now?  The first attempts at flogging this gimmick involved colourful glasses that gave you an impression of an extra dimension that you live in anyway.  You are, and were being charged for something that is free all around you!  The latter day version is very similar, it’s just the glasses now make you look like Roy Orbison rather than a dyslexic.

Now you may comment that this is the same as adding sound to films, films started off without sound and now they have sound.  That is utter, utter, bollocks.  Shut the fuck up.  Now.  The addition of sound added far more than contrived depth that only really works when the credits are rolling.  All it does is to make half brained simpletons maul out into thin-air, encouraging them to behave like massive, giggling twats in an attempt to protect their worthless heads from a ‘Directed By’ chinning.

All this gimmickry, all these idiots, all this wasted research and development and all this propoganda and advertising.  No one, surely, wants to pay for this?  From here, it looks like it is being forced upon us.  The cynic in me says the cinemas are struggling for our money, so they see this as a last ditch effort to sway people into their theatres with the promise of ‘the 3rd dimension’.  You must pay the extra to watch the 3D version, otherwise you will be laughed at by your peers.  2D is for poor people!  This can’t be the next generation in visual entertainment?  Maybe there will be no escape with all this money being thrown into this overrated shaggy dog story, what do we do and how do we escape?  There must be something that wasn’t hatched in the 50’s (guess) that needed rebranding.

This is all just an opinion.  My opinion.  I have yet to be convinced by anyone or any involvement in 3D to accept it as any good and a worthwhile addition to the viewing experience.  A lack of imaginiation has led someone to think “oooh, how about 3D? we haven’t tried that in the last 20 years?”  This man/woman/troll needs gutting with a pair of sugar tongs.  I hate you 3D man and your re-idea.  Come up with something new.  “How about smell-o-vision?”  Oh, fuck away you shit-witted oink.

This entry was posted in Rant - tenuous. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *