…Or so Sean Connery would have us believe, the Lying, Caledonian prick. It turns out the half-life of crystalline carbon isn’t in fact limitless but is finite, i.e. not ‘forever’. I’ve never trusted that man, any individual that bangs on about his place of birth and how good it is to be ‘Scottish’ when you spend all of your time on the Moon is clearly a top grade knacker. ‘Moon Man Connery’ needs to get a grip, take a look at the real world and the people within it, and the laws of degradation, wear and decay! Diamonds, Emeralds, Opals and even Jade all have a limited lifespan. They don’t live longer than trees or planets or ex-Tory prime ministers, they eventually fizzle out into their base elements and form you, me, him, them or the others.
Let’s carry this on. The very idea that ANYTHING can live forever is a most ridiculous idea. If Shaun Connery (of 1 Moonville Avenue, Moonville, Moonshire, The Moon MN1 0ON if you want to write) seriously thinks this, he should have the time awareness lobe of his brain removed and transplanted with a piece of haddock. Uncle Shawn’s fish lobotomy would be a welcome bit of brain surgery given his immense naivety concerning the concept of eternal stuff.
Lets sum this up in a nutshell, and let’s get Connery in from his moon patio where he drinks his moon cocktails to listen. This nutshell only lasts a few lines and words and is therefore FINITE (Connery). It is a synopsis. Connery? You lie and are ignorant. You living on the Moon in your Moon Mansion is all well and good and I’m sure it is a lovely property, but don’t rub it in our faces. Get into your moonmobile and leave us normal Earth-folk alone. Finally, and most importantly of all, please, please, please do not lie to us about the lifespan of precious gemstones again.