Reclusive widows. If only you were one, Jan Moir

Come on.  Think about it.  Your husband has just died, you are on your own and you are feeling lonely.  In order to solve your issues (being alone), you need to go out and meet another man.  Now, I’m no relationship expert, but I’d say it would be hard to meet the 2nd man of your dreams being a recluse now wouldn’t it?

Let’s move to fat people now.  Stop sitting and eating and moaning about being ‘big boned’ or having ‘glandular problems’ just stop eating! I can do it, so can you, it’s easy Chunk, STOP EATING FOOD!  Vegetables grow in the ground, you’re rooted to it, pick some and jam them down your throat hole, quick sharp!

Now who? I know, poor people in the north. Well you stop being so fucking lazy.  Get yourself a proper job and earn enough money, like me.  There are jobs out there if you want them.  I’ve seen them in my paper for Christ’s sake!

Lastly, gays.  Stop being bloody gay.  We all know it’s for attention, we all know you didn’t get enough attention liking ladies so you thought you’d jump on the man loving bandwagon.  It sickens me.  God had no intention of man intercoursing with another mans bum.  Stop it!  Like women and bloody well lump it!

I am, of course, being ironic.  Not all fat people are fat becuase they want to be or because they’re lazy. Not all people are poor because they aren’t very good at their jobs, and gays are certainly not gay becuase they choose to be, coming to that particular conclusion via an elaborate ‘decision matrix’. Wouldn’t it be nice if people who are different or who are in a difficult place were helped out of their predicament, given a little ‘nudge’ in the right direction or provided with support of like people rather than being pilloried and pigeon holed.

This all leads to you Jan Moir.  Could you please, kindly, get on a bus with Jeremy Clarkson and Richard Littlejohn, buy a single to ‘ill-informed’ and fuck off.  Bushell can pilot this double decker you are all so comfortably situated and proceed to, knowingly, steer it right up the arse of Eve Pollard. This collision of gobshites would undoubtedly create a kind of moronic worm hole, where all lack of tolerance and common decency towards your fellow man would go to die.  An almighty trans-dimensional, sensationalist paradox. You annoy me Jan Moir, but by doing this you could perform a favourable act on behalf of the human race. You massive cunt.

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