I sat down and watched the last ten minutes of One Tree Hill the other day, and I cried a little bit inside. It was quite easily the worst piece of television I have ever seen, and that includes comparing it to such gems of broadcasting as Big Brother, and The Hills. During those ten minutes absolutely nothing of any note happened.
I learnt about the meaning of the word ‘platitude’ a few months ago (you may have noticed it appear in my blog a few days ago) but that word sums up EVERY SINGLE LINE in this godforsaken program. It’s that BAD the writers deserve credit for dreaming up line after line of this shit.
“We need to think about what great people we are”
“You are so great, you need to learn to love yourself”
“If you knew what I had learnt from our time together, you wouldn’t feel so bad about yourself”
I can only think of three lines, but these bastards do it ENDLESSLY for the whole fucking show.
Let’s look at it another way – let’s imagine it’s a seal at some marine show catching fish for a crowd.
But it’s not real fish, it’s the bones of fish caked around with a nice foamed NOTHING. And the bones aren’t even real – they’re made of jellied LIES so the seal can’t even chew on anything.
But it doesn’t seem to matter to the under-developed audience, braying like cattle at the wonders presented to them as the poor, cute animal aches for something substantial to eat. The audience can’t feel his hunger, they just watch the little bugger swim.
And I don’t know what role the seal metaphor plays in all this, perhaps he is the television – capable of relaying information and knowledge to thousands at once, but all he does is shite out the digested remains of the lies and the nothing.
Yeah, that works.
But the shite doesn’t pollute the water, because there is nothing there. It’s worse. You can’t see it, but it slowly kills the seal. He tires as he eats for no gain, becomes used to the diet consisting of no nutrition and he stagnates just to survive. The audience grow used to the seal doing less and less with each show and they don’t complain, why should they, the seal is only doing a tiny bit less than he did yesterday, no reason to go on at the poor little sod?
And the seal looks so good, so slim and healthy. Why can’t I look as good as that seal?
But that is just the seal-handlers slapping on the make-up.
The seal is dying, and by watching One Tree Hill you just make him die faster.